Letting out my philosophical side!

You guys are going to have to humour me for the next, maybe, 5 minutes. As I get further into this whole experience, my poor little brain is raising questions of a philosophical nature, as would any change like this I guess. The main thing on my mind at the moment is fate and luck, what they are and whether we can really control them. As a bit of background on this, I was/am (I have yet to decide) someone that believes that you create your own luck, a positive outlook and perseverance means that you get to where you want to be. In terms of fate, I'm indecisive, like everyone, I like to think I make my own decisions, but something tells me that all is not as it seems. So, I compromised and decided that for each decision you make, there is a predestined result, at the end of which, you take another decision. You make the decision and thus in a strange way, decide your fate.

Since being in France, I'm not sure which I am more inclined to. There have been times this year when I have been fed up, ready to go home and just about at the end of my tether, it's what living hundreds of miles from everyone does to you! But then I've managed to convince myself that this is all in my best interests. After all, I had been wanting to have this experience for nearly 4 years before eventually coming here. I don't know whether it is fate, or luck that made me change my mind and realise that this whole thing is really positive. I'd like to think that it was my own strength of character, but I'm not sure I believe that!

There's also the 'problem' of working out whether the people you meet is all by coincidence, or whether there's something more behind it. I count myself very lucky to have been able to share this experience with other people from Southampton I genuinely get on with. Aisling, and now Andy are there to help me out, and we really do get on. There are plenty of other people that could have been here, and I'm sure I would have argued with some of them, and stayed away from others. These two, however, seem to help me along! I've not had any real arguments with either of them, and particularly at the start, I was so glad to have someone here reading from the same page, and who I actually wanted to spend time with. God only knows how my year would have been without that. Now, is that fate, or is it luck, or is it just coincidence? It seems too 'lucky' to be coincidence, but then I don't like to think that it was just by chance that it happened. But then surely fate isn't that controlling, if it exists at all?

The people you meet has two levels. There are those, like Ash and Andy, who I knew were going to be here, and others that I meet along the way. I'm starting to believe that a certain amount of this year is luck as to who you meet. By being just 30 seconds quicker into a meeting or lecture, you can meet someone who you get on with, 30 seconds later and no doubt they'll be talking to someone else. I'm not trying to fob off my life here onto chance and fate, but it is something to be considered, and at the moment, it comes as a comfort that sometimes I haven't done anything wrong!

I've also been very lucky with those from home who have continued to care about me. It could have been so different, as moving to a different country isn't like moving to uni. I have experienced things that some people won't understand, yet I'm so grateful to all who have let me whinge at them about the 'stupid frenchies' and their stupid ways of doing things. I'm lucky to have the people around me that I do, that just listen, or even ignore my ranting!

At the moment, I'm not sure what to believe. I wish I was in control of everything, but as I know I am not (no-one can control the world), I do have questions about just how much is in my control. No-one can predict the future, so there's no way of controlling it, but I would like to know just how much is down to me! Anyone wanting to help me out of this little quandry, please do so!
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xxx